chained in love, possessiveness
Life & Love,Relationships

DETACHMENT and ATTACHMENTS. . . When and how?…..


The word ‘detachment’ may be explained in various ways. It is a vast subject with multiple perceptions.

I am talking about Detachment – Aloofness . . . indifference to worldly concerns . . . Freedom from bias or prejudice.

Detachment – an Emotional Catharsis . . .Getting rid of annoyance, expectations, emotional obligations and burdens, thus reducing the anguish and misery of guilt.

In a social network and family web, we are attached and bound to each other in numerous capacities. We care and work to meet their needs and commitments. Detachment doesn’t prophesize stepping back from caring . . . it teaches you to take care of yourself first and let others take care of their actions and duties.

Don’t we envisage becoming either Mr Right or Mr Good and trying to please the everyday expectations and desires of the people around us? Most of the time, we get a long face and criticism for not living up to their hopes. From here starts the “Emotional Atyachaar”, which has to be crumpled at all costs. Instead of taking the burden of guilt with you, it is wise to take a step backwards and be the observer of the drama. Give space and see the person’s reaction. Everyone needs attachment, and when their loved ones are on the verge of Detachment, they feel the pain and wince to get things back to normal.

Remember, parting from life is not True Detachment, but it is the ultimate Liberty within your intellect and heart – to discover and observe your existence. You are undoubtedly joyful if you envision becoming a detached onlooker.

“Detachment is not that you should own nothing, but that nothing should own you.”


“Let it go, let it leave, let it happen – nothing in this world was promised or belonged to you anyway – all you own is yourself.” RUPI KAUR.


We are born with the notion that everything around us belongs to us. The relations, the friends, the worldly things — hence we spend our entire lives procuring more meat for our belongings and trying to acquire more commodities like Alexander the Great, the conqueror of the world. Great Ashoka got his lesson soon after the Kalinga debacle and chose to become a Monk, denouncing everything and becoming detached from the entire kingdom and life Royale.

The awareness that nothing is permanent is a vital step towards Detachment. Everything is perishable, be it emotion, thought, people or any scenario.

Somehow, childhood attachments to parents never fade away. No matter how wise or old we become, the faces keep dancing in front of our eyes – whether good or bad. My father, on his death bed at the age of ninety-seven, kept chanting his mother’s name, who died when my father was not even a teenager. He did not even for once take his wife’s name or his three son’s names while I was constantly at his bedside in the last moments. Was it Detachment from the present and attachment to the long-forgotten past?

Clinging to relationships and worldly pleasures is very immature and juvenile. What makes an octogenarian want to remain bound to everything around him and afraid of parting with it?

The best way to lead a happy and peaceful life is to learn to detach from everything in the early seventies. It may sound harsh and rude, but the fact is that no one needs you – it’s only you taking the burden of your sixty-five kilos of osteoporotic bones and muscles and tons of howling emotional baggage. This is the time to detach. Release of personal feelings, sentiments or vigour that we clutch with our people, places and possessions. It may sound difficult initially, but it is vital for the restoration of sanity. If you can find peace in yourself and have the ability to spread comfort around you, you will surely be happy.

For a productive life, serenity, liberal Detachment, selfless love, and fair-minded effort are essential.

The hardest thing is to tolerate our own feelings to control our psyche. Don’t we let this happen all the time? Why do we exert and slog to fulfil others’ choices? “Detachment is a deep breath of peace and patience in response to unexpected anger.”

There is a thin line between deep love and strangulating someone in love. We cannot overfeed love in the gullet of a person who is already tummy full of our over-shielding and indulgence. Providing space in a relationship is almost like Detachment. We need to live gracefully, and Detachment allows us to be in the world, not of it.

Sometimes the pain of attachment and closeness is so powerful that Detachment is the only respite. Only a detached heart can connect with everyone. Too many attachments around are like floating in a neverending web – the more we want a release, the more we get entwined.

“Detachment is not the absence of love but the ability to take care of yourself amid someone else’s choices.”

“Attachment is the source of pain . . . but, Detachment is the source of joy.”




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  1. Hey Doc
    What an absolute explanation of detachment. I agree with you fully.Detachment is a state of mind. This transformation from attachment to detachment carries us to the less explored regions. It initiates a vision of heights of consciousness which have indeed been glimpsed and visited but have yet to be discovered and mapped in their completeness. Being there would be like reaching the summit of human mind, as you have rightfully put it “… You are undoubtedly joyful if you envision becoming a detached onlooker….”
    But dear friend why do you say we must start after 70’s. Earlier the better ,isn’t it?
    In your words reaching “…Freedom from bias or prejudice.”
    Sooner the better to be out of deep waters of attachment. Realizing all this now makes me feel very happy that age is making me wiser and not older.
    Regards RG

    1. Dr. Anuj says:

      hi RG
      I always adore reading your thorough analysis of my blogs. You speak wisdom and I enjoy reading it. I specifically mentioned seventy as the age for detachment … because I feel that we are too much entangled in our home affairs and commitments before that.. so. But you are right there is no age to detachment… the sooner the better. Age surely makes one wiser… rather should make. But do all ‘age’, gracefully holding the same mental intellect… I doubt.

  2. […] I strongly believe that Imagination makes the ‘Act’ last longer and satisfying as well … IMAGINATION CAN’T BE INFIDELITY! […]

    1. Dr. Anuj says:

      well yes, you have a valid point…. regards

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