How much burden can a relationship or a friendship have?
Is a relationship like milking a cow the last ounce of your desire? Or is it just a lemon that you squeeze until you get the last drop of the juice?
Here we are talking about the individual capacity for sustenance. Just like every human being is incomplete, so is a relationship. You cannot make the world a single person.
Marriage is a grand alliance, they say, Made for each other ….. Made for each other because of biological compatibility and raising a family. But is that all that is required?
Producing a nursery of babies and saying that the relationship is complete is a total sham and ridiculous. Even a nerd can create a baby.
“Focus more on your responsibilities in the relationship, rather than your rights” ANONYMOUS.
Peter had married Sandra. It was a happy association, and they imbibed and gelled well on the basic norms and protocols of an ideal marriage. Life was a piece of cake, and they had children and a bright future.
Somewhere down the line, they realised that Peter’s penchant for music was nowhere near Sandra’s own. He was a moron as far as his gardening was concerned. Sandra loved to nurture plants in her small garden. To quench their desires, they started looking for people outside the domestic premises.
Sally was a musician by profession and gave Music lessons to Peter. Similarly, Sandra began visiting a nursery owned by Anthony. With time, discord started brewing within the couple. They could not tolerate the intrusion of outsiders, but they were cherished their passions.
SHOULD WE LABEL IT AS AN EXTRAMARITAL ALLIANCE?
A male, talking freely to a woman outside his marriage; and vice versa, for emotional reasons or professional matters …. IS THAT INFIDELITY?
Who has laid down the norms and protocols to call marriage, THE MARRIAGE, and a legitimate ‘outside marital alliance’ as an extramarital affair?
The Oxford definition of Infidelity is the act of not being faithful to your wife or husband by having a sexual relationship with somebody else.
Victor is an artist who does oil and sculpting. He is a violinist and works with a group of other musicians. He also loves reading and is involved with the city’s local Literature Club.
Ammy is a housewife and has diligently taken care of Victor’s family diligently. Victor has to meet different people to quench his professional and emotional needs. Ammy doesn’t have the understanding or capacity to work as a one-woman army and provide things that are beyond her mental preview. She has her own duties and jobs to fulfil.
Now, here is the catch.
Victor cannot squeeze Ammy in to fulfil his needs. Ammy cannot stop Victor from seeing other people. There are days when Victor spends late nights with his female colleagues working on projects.
There is one word for a truce; SPACE.
The couple has smartly mastered the art of giving space and understanding to each other. They don’t harass each other by throttling them for time and marital participation. They understand their emotional capacity and incapability. There is no marital discord, whatsoever.
“You can’t just give up on someone because the situation is not ideal. Great relationships are not great because they have no problems. They are great because both people care enough about the other person to find a way to make it work” …. EVERYDAY POWDER.
Why are we trying to overpower relationships? Why can’t we be happy with what we are getting from one person?
In other words, should we treat our lives as a buffet of relationships? Try out all the dishes and pick the best ones. This way we will spare the ordeal of milking one person till the last drop, and become frustrated in the end because of scarcity and a shortage of something and everything.
“In the end, there doesn’t have to be anyone who understands you. There has to be someone who wants you” …. Robert Brault.