VIRTUAL RELATIONSHIPS…. A boon or a curse.

 A relationship where people are not physically present but communicate exclusively via email, texting, or another electronic communication device is called a Virtual Relationship.

 In a fast-moving world with an intricate brainy system where everything is available, but there is a shortage of time, life becomes fast-tracked and virtual.

“PEN- FRIEND”….. remember this?

During my school, in the late sixties and early seventies, having a Pen friend was a fad. The icing on the cake was that I had many Overseas Pen Friends. Those fairy tale days of writing about Aerograms and the Post took at least a couple of weeks to reach their destinations. The long wait and the excitement that followed after receiving the coveted reply were a welcome surprise.

A sensitive and subtle relationship requires an eye to eye contact; that’s what I believe in. I felt as a student and even now as a hardcore professional that there should be physical and chemical proximity for any relationship to be understood. But times have changed. The essence of friendship has shifted to VIRTUAL  ALLIANCE.

In a virtual relationship, they don’t even speak to each other in real life. They text each other during school and sit online for hours. But when they are together on social issues, they don’t say a word to each other.

Where’s the catch? Why would they shy away from the conversation vis-a-vis it? Are they short of vocabulary or do their feelings freeze the moment they come in contact? Everything seems so intriguing and captivating.

The first time I went on a date with a teenager, I had the most challenging time selecting the proper outfit and the cologne from my brother’s cupboard. My date, I am sure, had an even more difficult time because she was very conscious of her long skirt and the sandals that were bearing her lower legs. We tried to talk, but the formalities marred most of the conversation.  We came home with a heavy heart and an asphyxiated brain that was unable to put across the feelings that had been left behind.

Wondering an online alliance; you may be sitting in your pyjamas in the most atrocious hairdo and facial attire and trying to woo the most attractive woman in the world just by the jugglery of your affluent vocabulary, the flow of emotions, and the chicness of tapping the keyboard. It may sound gibberish and mundane, but the truth is that online messaging brings out the best in someone who is genuine and not faking his persona and modus operandi.

Talking on the phone is a shade different from talking online. It’s like contacting someone in real-time. There is no time to choose words or contemplate them. The power and depth of speech and quick thinking may win you the Presidency of the United States of America. There is no role for anyone else. Remember the famous song from the old Hindi classic, Sujata, where Sunil Datt woos Nutan by humming the most melodious Talat Mehmood’s song …. Jalte hain jiske liye …

 Now let’s talk about Virtual Relationships. This can work for many and provides guidance to people in long term associations. Some find it entirely possible to have an engaging and fulfilling love life.

Looking at the larger picture, online relationships aren’t a bad thing, as long as you make sure everything is right, and you are safe. It is okay to feel strongly attracted to or even fall in love with people you have met on the internet. Online relationships can be as real as the ones people have in meetings in person.

Research suggests that …. “partners who meet online are more likely to be compatible than those who meet in person. The paper adds to a growing body of research suggesting marriages that start online are stronger and last longer than relationships that start offline.”

Speaking of mundane Indian marriages where the boy and the girl just meet for the first time in the presence of their peer group and decide to get married.

What blasphemy! No emotional or intellectual matching, just an approving nod to the mere physical appearance of the person in question. It takes time to understand the person with whom you are sharing your life, your entire life.

Virtual relationships give us space and time to evaluate the intellectual depth and emotional abyss of the individual. With the time constraints and unnecessary hurry of arriving at a decision, there is ample opportunity to appraise the persona of the person in the frame of mind and then come to a ‘YES’ response to the decision being made.

Virtual relationships allow for human connection, contact and emotional gratification- things which, for some, might be challenging to obtain or experience in the physical world. People with a physical or learning disability tend to engage more with their peers. There is no stigma or taboo attached to their disability, and they can represent themselves, the way they want to.

The gay community has benefited maximum the most from the VRs. The internet allows the free exploration of sexuality and preferences anonymously. They don’t have to reveal their identity prematurely, thus saving them from an early commitment that may lead to embarrassment.

Just meeting someone online and following VR does not mean that the relationship will survive in cyberspace. Some of them eventually lead to a couple meeting, dating, and a happy culmination.

VR has made it easy for like-minded people to communicate on a standard pedestal, thus energising their hidden instincts and cravings. A single Blog, Instagram or Tweet can bring people from different corners of the world together to interact and bring the discussion to a diverse level.

The biggest boon of VR is the stress-free alliance.

*Silly little tiff.

*Arguments over the preference of a TV programme or Food.

*Why did you stay out late?

*I don’t like the way you dressed today, or the way you smell; did you take a bath?

Etcetera …..

When arguments occur between couples in an offline scenario, things escalate quickly. In the heat of the moment, hurtful words are exchanged in raised and abusive voices. It is easier to take offence when you are there to witness the tone in your partner’s voice, facial expressions, and body language. There is pressure to react instantly, which means you are likely to utter things you don’t mean and once spoken, you cannot take them back. This can have a disastrous effect on a relationship and may lead to a separation.

There are examples where married couples move out of the room during a fight and feel safe enough to continue the saga of egoistic battles on the cell phone by messaging each other. It saves them the horror of seeing each other’s fretful and deceitful gestures, mannerisms, and throwing and breaking the poor crockery, thus escalating the inferno.

“Is Virtual Love Sexier Than Real Love?”… NANCY COLIER LCSW

Can we ever be as cool in real life as we are in the text?

Many young people are now experiencing their first romantic relationship on their phones. Intimate and voracious texting starts even before the couples have become friends. The text stuff that they would normally be shy to say in person.

However, the pseudo intimacy of the texting relationship pre-empts the real intimacy, which then creates a divide that is difficult to cross. The closeness that has transpired within the text is imprisoning. It is not appropriate for a real-life relationship. In real life, such people have reasons to avoid each other.

A VIRTUAL HUG is a way of expressing the same emotions you would with a real hug. Physical activity may not occur, but the emotional message and content are the same.

Ahem! Will, there be some VIRTUAL LOVE MAKING in the years to come; that remains to be seen.

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