Don’t you believe that modern digital communication has significantly changed intimacy, sometimes in ways that are both powerful and contradictory?
I miss the days in the 70s when my girlfriend would call, and the guard at the warden’s office ran to my hostel room. I would rush to answer the call. The whole process demanded patience and waiting on our part to have meaningful conversations.
Another time, making a three-minute long-distance call to the fiancé would cost a fortune, especially with the operator listening to every ‘ooh’ and ‘aah.’
Currently, I see my children skilfully manipulate their cell phones, texting friends with blank, emotionless faces. I question whether digital communication today enhances or hampers their relationships. Ultimately, the effect hinges less on the technology and more on how it’s employed.
I believe texting maintains a constant connection among people and particularly benefits those who are shy or hesitant to communicate face-to-face. It allows individuals to take their time to think before responding and makes it easy to include emojis and brief messages like ‘missing you,’ ‘thinking of you,’ or ‘I love you.’ These tools can easily be used to deceive or portray feelings convincingly.
However, texting diminishes intimacy because it lacks tone and nonverbal cues. What about the lack of charisma shown through facial expressions, touch, and warmth? A simple message can cause misunderstandings by creating ambiguity and unnecessary tension. The person’s genuine self isn’t fully conveyed, as the message often seems like a curated version of oneself.
Someone has rightly said – texting is GREAT for ‘Maintenance Intimacy’ but WEAKER for ‘Repair Intimacy’ or ‘Deep Bonding Moments.’
I’m not skilled at texting and find it difficult to hold the mouthpiece and talk for extended periods. I still prefer “talking in person”. This embodies intimacy and activates bonding by releasing Oxytocin. Moreover, the nervous system syncs during safe connection.
Digital communication naturally increases how often we connect, but it often reduces the depth and importance of those interactions. While it creates a sense of ambient intimacy and feels up to date, it generally lacks genuine engagement. Consequently, attachment and emotional bonds are notably altered.
I still prefer sitting with ‘the person’ and making eye contact, accompanied by a warm touch. Even when the syllables are quiet, the connection touches the depths of the heart.
Pun intended—Texting is “Nutritional snacking”, while Conversation is a “Full Meal”.
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Dear Doctor Anuj,
Am sure you will endorse my views that our days of bonding with our loved one were THE MOST MEMORABLE MOMENTS.
I’d give anything to go back in time. It had a charm and the emotional romance was indescribable.
Very well explained.
Thanks
Yes they were the most cherished days and i too mis them.
regards
The blog” Do you wanna a text?or Talk in person” simply is a way of communication one would opt to. There was a time when we would communicate with our friend who has either left our school on transfer or who had gone to a distant place during summer vacation.. In those days, the best way or the only way was to communicate with our friends was through letter writing..Though some privileged ones had a telephone line and they would easily call their friends on trunk calls.At times, it used to take lot of time to get line and it used to be expensive too.As time progressed and evolution of mobile phones took over on the use of landlines, the issue of communication became simpler.. Now coming to on use of text or to talk directly through mobile, I personally feel that sending text messages has become insipid. Firstly, it takes time to jot down script correctly and then sending it. I personally feel, text messages seldom exhibit feelings which is there while talking to someone on mobile.. You feel like as if your friend is present in person before you.. You can laugh or you can address your friend in the same way as you would address him earlier.., say by nickname. It’s not possible in text messages.. A term called feeling is always there in your conversation that would lack in texts. I have been talking to my schoolmates on mobile for considerable period of timeeven now…. Last but not the least, it’s an individual’s choice to go for either text on to talk on mobile. Some times, we become hesitant to write certain things but while talking we never hesitate.. Every other friend had a nick name in school days and easily we can utter him by the same name during conversation. Such practice we may avoid while sending texts.. Interesting topic dear Anuj..
You said very rightly, i too want to pick up the phone and call the person rather than text. But texting is taking over the actual dialogue. This is sad as it lacks the emotion and the depth.
thanks a lot for your views.
regards