“I am a PRINCESS not because I have a PRINCE, but because my Father is a KING.” . . . A Daughter
“I am softer. I feel more concerned about the world because my daughter grew up in it. I have concerns about her safety, which is not something I had to think about before.” . . . A Father.
The most melodious note in the family ensemble is the father-daughter relationship. Its very basis is serenity and spiritual peace.
For a Father, the birth of a son will be a matter of pride for different reasons—an heir to carry the genetic transparency, a crusader to shoulder the empire’s load and transfer further. There is a physical need; a Self-publicist WANT may follow with myriads of ego hassles and differences of opinion with the passing years.
History speaks volumes about prominent father-son relationships. The WORLD RULING CLAN is resurrected based on ‘flimsy love but staunch dignity and spiteful ego.’’
Very little is known or documented about the eminent father-daughter duo. WHY? Hindu mythology speaks prominently only about King Janak and his daughter SITA, ‘Janaki’.
This relationship has received the warmth of assurance and love but not the cinematic portrayal of power and legacy.
For a father, the birth of a daughter is a matter of emotional fulfilment and sensory completeness. A daughter accomplishes the need to colour the canvas of an unfamiliar psychological void.
“Fatherhood is gifted, holding a baby girl in the lap.” UNKNOWN
There is an instantaneous bond, an immediate promise and commitment that takes this relationship to a different pedestal for all years to come.
The presence of a daughter in the family is the dawn of Culture, Poise, and Dignity. A daughter has the power and daring to affect and influence her father’s persona more than the father’s mother can do to him. Her suggestions, advice, and psychoanalysis are followed more positively.
Psychologists have been baffled to hypothecate and solve this beautiful relationship’s mystery and sanctity.
“THE ELECTRA COMPLEX”. A term used to describe the female version of the OEDIPUS COMPLEX.
‘A girl, aged between 3 and 6, becomes attached [sexually] SUBCONCIOUSLY to her Father and [increasingly] hostile towards her Mother’. . . CARL JUNG, 1913.
ELECTRA [Greek Mythology] was the daughter of Agamemnon and Clytemnestra. The latter, with her lover Aegisthus, killed Agamemnon. Electra got so distressed [she treasured her Father] that she persuaded her brother Orestes to help kill both her Mother and her lover.
The daughter hates and gets jealous of her Mother’s physical proximity to her Father. In extreme cases, she may start throwing tantrums and become boisterous. The counsellors get mystified by this natural but socially unacceptable behaviour. Little Girls start putting on makeup [not to look beautiful] to emulate their Mothers and woo their Fathers.
PSYCHOSEXUAL DEVELOPMENT In Children . . . ‘SIGMUND FREUD’.
Freud described various stages of infancy and childhood.
PHALLIC STAGE . . . 3- 6 years
In this stage, both boys and girls become fixated on the Penis. There is resentment in the girl because she discovers that the Mother also doesn’t have it beside her. She blames the Mother for this castration, called PENIS ENVY. This leads to a natural (real) attachment with the Father.
A positive father-daughter relationship can significantly impact the young girl’s life and even determine whether or not she develops into a strong and confident woman with high self-esteem, self-image, and opinions of other men.
A growing daughter watches and analyses her father’s behaviour and subconsciously tries to build a substantial edifice in her life. Her father is a role model—a hero.
The quality time a father can spend with his daughter from infancy to toddlerhood is crucial at all stages of the girl’s life.
TWEEN TO TEEN.
Thought-provoking period for a girl. A big SOCIOCULTURAL challenge awaits.
I was perplexed by the sudden change in my niece’s behaviour when she turned 12. An affectionate and cheerful girl suddenly pushed herself into a cocoon of melancholy with a weird expression. I pondered and tried to figure out the cause of this change. My sister-in-law explained, “ Since you don’t have a sister, you will not understand the status of the girl’s mind when she goes through this physical and emotional change; just leave her alone; she will come out of it.”
These are those Pesky ‘ hormone’ years when Fathers shy away from their moody and standoffish daughters. There is confusion, denial and withdrawal in the Daughter’s sentiments. She is trying to comprehend her sexuality and hormonal ambush.
A crusader father should help his daughter sail smoothly through turbulent waters by infusing self-confidence and openness rather than insecurity and ambiguity. Sometimes, a left-out feeling may seep naturally into the Father’s heart. He should avoid the temptation to pull away or withdraw.
Every teenage girl seeks a Haven in her Father. She needs assurance and affirmation, even when her behaviour is hostile and deceitful. She desires more attention and care and hates sharing it with anyone, not even her Mother. The feeling of Jealousy and mood fluctuations are at their peak.
In Sweet Sixteen Years, when youth and femininity are taking leaps and bounds, the world is a theatre where the young lady will perform the biggest drama of her life. The Father is the pillar. He has to lend his shoulder and hand to thrust an impetus and let the naïve girl fly.
The type of man the woman interacts with, dates or infatuates in her life [even while getting married] is directly related to her relationship and understanding with her Father.
Through the years, the daughter has kept a vigil on her father’s activities, mannerisms, habits, and behaviour. She keeps analysing the image of her hero that will affect her life and further decision-making.
She watches how her father behaves with her mother and other female folks. His character, discipline, and compassion shape her facade.
“It was my father who taught me to value myself”- DAWN FRENCH.
Anna had just joined a Professional college in a metropolitan city away from home. One evening, she called her father: ‘ Dad, I have to go to a dance party late in the evening with my friends. Can I go?’ The conservative father displayed apathy. Anna said, ‘Dad, I HAVE to go to the party. I could have simply gone without telling you, but I wanted you to know.’ The father wept at the girls’ honesty and smiled in affirmation.
The Daughter looks for revered self-assurance and communiqué with her Father. The male ego or chauvinism may restrain the girl from sharing her deepest feelings and confidentialities.
Hey Dads! your daughter needs this –
*Open your ears and wisdom, and listen to her carefully. Don’t be judgemental.
* Be her Confidante, a Spiritual guide and Positive role model, loaded with unconditional love.
*Her emotions are virgin and naïve. Acknowledge them with open heart and logic. Support her every decision with affinity and sustenance.
*She may be unpleasant or average in looks or manners. Never be critical or comparative about her appearance. Don’t ever be sarcastic or cynical.
*Don’t create a drama or a farce image. Be truthful and show her the REAL you. She knows you much better than you think.
*Reveal your resemblances and common interests, and rejuvenate what you missed while growing.
*You are her role model. Present your best; be an outstanding professional, perfect husband, adorable father, and ideal human being with compassion and love.
Remember, your every step, action and mannerism is watched and emulated. The young kid is holding your finger and learning to walk in your footsteps. The citadel of her persona needs a strong foundation that you will consolidate through your efforts and affirmations.
‘You are with a friend who will be your greatest asset in times to come till you live. Your vigilant and tender investments now will bring incredible dividends that you can’t imagine.’ . . . UNKNOWN.
Nurture the tender sapling NOW, and reap the fruits when the days are sultry and lonely. There will always be a shade of unconditional love and unfathomable affection over your head.
Fathers, be good to your daughters; daughters will love you like you do. Ultimately, this bond is a powerful example of love, support, and understanding, often lasting a lifetime and profoundly shaping both lives.
FEEL THE DIVINITY IN YOUR DAUGHTER. “There is a purpose why she is there in your life.”
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