‘Good Parenting’ … These two words intrigue me on several occasions.
Who decides and judges the guidelines of Good Parenting?
My parents raised, educated, and settled me decently, within their meager means. Above all, they married me to their best aspirations and commitment.
But, were they really good parents?
For that matter … AM I A GOOD PARENT?
I will not personalize this topic as people may start judging my parenthood.
Is just providing, pampering, and promoting an offspring good parenting.?
NO, IT IS NOT.
There is a sky beyond the cloud cluster, that obscures our vision and we start thinking the other way.
We make and settle with our self-propagated ideals and commitments, thinking that we have accomplished the job.
A father used to drive to the school at four pm every day to drop his 8 years old son to play football. It was really hard for the father to follow the ordeal in the scorching sun.
One day he asked … ‘Son, will you ever remember that I used to sacrifice my siesta to drop you to the school every day”?
The son was silent for a while, then looking at his father, replied … ‘No Dad, I will not remember this…but would have surely remembered, if you were not doing this.’
The father gasped at the son’s honesty.
What are we looking for as Parents?
Considering myself and other parents, I feel that we are getting claustrophobic in our deeds. We are doing this to suit and nurture our ego and hang our heads high in the pseudo world around us…
“look this is what we are doing for our children”.
Most of the time we forget to ask our children..”what do you want to do?”
We make decisions thinking of ourselves to be the evolved ones.
Doctor parents, screw up their kids’ life in carrying the legacy. No questions asked; By all means, the child has to become a Doctor … a mentally ailing one! … who cares?
Maybe the child wanted to follow a different profession altogether.
There are millions of examples like that.
We spend crores to hammer an unwanted profession on our child, thinking that we are a good parent.
Basically, we are screwing up another life.
The judgment should come from the other side.
The child should, if could, would surely say one day….”You are a good parent”.
This comes only when we release the ego and provide space to our children, letting them adjudicate our dealings and provisions. Let them come forward nonchalantly and speak to us about their genuine feelings.
I rate THE ART OF COMMUNICATION to be the biggest tool in bridging the trench between the children and parents.
Sitting with them every once a while, as a family or alone; discussing life and happenings from their point of view is the best way of healthy communication.
Become a good listener.
Your children are much more Evolved and Intelligent than you think they are.
They need space, assurance, unconditional love, and support in whatever they are doing.
They will be successful when we support them with our confidence, by believing in them.
We have to root out the fear of being rebuked so that they can speak to us wholeheartedly.
Instill the family values in their innocent and naive minds.
Let them be your friend(trust me they are the best friends), respecting the limits and the lines of decency.
I was totally floored when my son( as an Accomplished Engineer) hugged me and said…Dil say…”Papa I am so happy and thankful that you did not pester me to become a Doctor. I did what I wanted to do”.
My eyes were wet and I was happy not creating another character in the blockbuster … THREE IDIOTS.
But friends I am still waiting for the Certification of a good parent.
To become a Good Parent, first, try to become a Good Child to ‘your’ parents … things will fall back effortlessly by themselves.
Be a Provider to nurture their destiny,
Not a Crusader to write their destiny …