‘GASLIGHTING’ – DARKNESS BEYOND LIGHT –Are you a sufferer? 

A person who is psychologically manipulated, tortured, and emotionally abused in a relationship is a victim of Gaslighting. The gaslighter smartly avoids taking responsibility for his toxic behaviour by categorically and blatantly lying, denying culpable actions, and making you distrust your own perceptions, memory, or reality.

The sufferer has no option but to question his intellect and psyche and live with noxious guilt. He feels confused and manipulated when told he is ‘Too sensitive’ while expressing concerns.

It’s crucial to seek emotional or professional support to help regain clarity and confidence. Remember, you are not alone in this.

Gaslighting is a term taken from a 1938 play – “Gaslight.” A chauvinistic husband abuses his wife mentally by pumping into her psyche that she is losing her mind. In the nasty process, the docile wife loses her way and starts questioning her identity, senses, and reality, including turning off her gas lights at home.

Gaslighter disempowers by baffling and intimidating people. Their sole purpose is to gain control over the weaker and vulnerable minds, thus nurturing their abusive interests.

One must be vigilant of the hissing serpents loitering freely at workplaces, institutions, homes, and relationships, making others’ lives look miserable. Relationships face the worst kind of gaslighting. By showing neediness, demands, or clinginess, we expose the fortress of our self-respect and kindness to the gaslighter felon. The best way to maintain sanity is to quash expectations, change attitudes and stop being vulnerable.

Some people, however, understand that their behaviour is harmful and are ashamed to accept the truth. They deny it and try to gain control over other people. This is what we call ‘Unintentional Gaslighting.’ It’s essential to recognise that gaslighting can occur without malicious intent, but it’s still harmful and should be addressed.

In society, husbands blatantly gaslight their unassuming wives by making them feel insignificant, confused, and insane. Emotional manipulation and sadism are rewarded by compelling the wives to perform perverted sexual acts or other heinous acts. The wives are forced to comprehend their guilt, doubting their reality and sanity.

One is gaslighted and accused of rubbished to be listened to –

*“Hey, you are stupid and sensitive – this never happened.”

* “You are indeed a confused person – you overreact.”

* “You are in the habit of misremembering facts; this is not right.”

* “What are you saying? I never said that.”

* “It is surely your fault; I will never do a thing like this.”

* “Oh dear, it was just a joke – don’t you understand the jokes?

* “Stop exaggerating – there is something seriously wrong with you.”

* “How dare you corner me with this nasty accusation.”

A Gaslighter usually harbours a narcissistic personality trait and an anti-social behaviour disorder. They rarely reveal personal information, give distorted views, and manipulate others because of their vested interests and needs. There is outright lying, falsehood, manipulation of reality, condemnation, and bullying.

The Gaslighter’s narcissistic Mantra is – “That did not happen – and if it did, it wasn’t bad . . . and if it was bad, then it’s not a big deal . . . and if it is a big deal then it’s certainly not my fault. . . and if it was my fault, then I did not mean it . . . and if I meant it, then sure enough, you deserved it.”

Beware of those around you who gaslight you without your knowledge, and you succumb to their occult motives out of generosity, love, and empathy.

You need to speak out ways to overcome the menace and escape the horror.

* “Oh, I heard you well, but we remember things differently.” – Bravo! You scared the serpent.

* “I am neither listening nor responding if you continue speaking to me like this.” – remain confident in your version.

* “Don’t enforce your experience over me – I heard you, sorry this is not what I think.” – Bullshit misbehaviour without fear of retribution.

* “I can’t take this anymore; I am walking away from the present conversation.”—Remove yourself from the situation.

* “Let’s not debate the issue or argue about your story.”  — focus on yourself and your self-respect.

* “Do you really enjoy pointing out my mistakes and coercing me?”

The best approach to annihilating a gaslighter is to appear emotionless. It’s the realisation by the gaslighter that you don’t care anymore. Initially, he will try to convince you, but eventually, things will change. But don’t fall for it.

For prolonged survival, the relationship must be on; one is on one pedestal. No one has the right to take advantage of one or emotional mileage over the other. Sometimes, we don’t even realise we unintentionally use or gaslight a relationship. Remember, maintaining your self-respect and boundaries is key to any form of longevity.

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