OVER-FRANKNESS of GEN-Z with PARENTS – A Boon or Bane?

Over frankness about anything is like a double-edged sword – a situation or course of action having both positive and negative effects. However, it’s essential to remember that this openness can lead to deeper connections and a greater understanding, offering hope for the future.

For Gen Z, the generation succeeding Millennials and preceding Generation Alpha, overfamiliarity is a way to seek authenticity and closeness with peers. On the other hand, for parents, it is an opportunity to strengthen their bonds with their children. Their response, filled with understanding and wisdom and free of judgment, can positively shape these interactions. 

However, when handled with mutual respect on both sides, over-frankness becomes a Blessing, not a Bane. Mutual respect here means acknowledging each other’s perspectives, feelings, and boundaries, and communicating in a way that honours these aspects.

The chemistry and philosophy between parents and the present generation have undergone significant changes over the past few decades. Parents need to change their perspective and view frankness as an opportunity, not a threat to their existence. With patience, empathy, and a balance of boundaries, parents can effectively deal with Gen Z, building a profound and healthier foundation of equality and mutual admiration.

The motto of Gen Z is, “Too Candid, too soon”.

Parents are fighting an internal battle between their conservative and constrained youth and the present call of the day — over-frankness.

Here are a few examples –

For instance, a daughter studying in the first year of a professional college informs her father on the phone that she will be going to a nightclub with her friends. The father, instead of giving a tight sermon or immediately appreciating his daughter’s candid frankness, could engage in a conversation about safety and responsibility, thereby balancing his role as a parent with his daughter’s desire for independence.

A mother discovers a pack of condoms in the cupboard of her unmarried daughter. Will she create a ruckus and rebuke her daughter, or will she appreciate that her daughter is taking reasonable precautions to avoid any nasty eventuality?

In both situations, the parents are on the receiving end, and their misunderstanding and judgment won’t change the situation or the mood, as children will do what they want to do.  Parental emotional concessions and understanding, however, will undoubtedly deepen the bond of love.

Over-frankness as a BOON –

*Effective and meaningful communication—Honest and open communication is the key to the longevity of any relationship. The stigma and taboo of the ‘generation gap’ are nullified, and both ends benefit. Candid conversations can lighten the atmosphere at home, infusing positive vibes of love and affection.

*Boosts emotional health – The ability to understand, manage, and cope with one’s own feelings and emotions, as well as those of others, is boosted constructively. It doesn’t necessarily mean being happy in parent-child relationships all the time, but instead having the capacity to navigate and understand life’s challenges and function well despite stressful conditions. It involves emotional awareness, practical expression, resilience, and positive psychological functioning.

*Bridging the mistrust – Over-frankness bridges the nasty waters of suspicion and lack of confidence. Any doubts or qualms about these relationships are dispelled, instigating love and profound faith. Parents are less likely to feel blindsided when their children are transparent and honest with them.

I used to have frank conversations about my girlfriends with my mother. She was very supportive and shielded my honour when a Ms Conservative complained to her about my flamboyant social circle.

*Parental awareness and mindfulness – With rapidly changing times and societal standards, parents need to get updated on the recent social norms and modern challenges. The children turn out to be their best tutors, apprising them of the contemporary details about their lives.

*Troubleshooter – Young minds are more likely to commit mistakes and may indulge in addictions. An early disclosure will ensure proper parental help and guidance to troubleshoot the situation.

Over-frankness as BANE –

*Crossing the boundaries – Families have specific cultural values and parental authority that should be revered and understood by everyone. Over frankness can sometimes blur the delicate balance of reverence. Sharing every detail, a father and son may lose respect, leading to unintended consequences after altercations and rebellious opinions. The delicacy rests on a subtle hierarchy that must be carefully maintained.

I have seen father and son boozing and watching contraband stuff together. They vehemently claim to be like friends socially, but somewhere down the line, respect is lost, and the son misbehaves with his father as he would with his friends.

*Clash of the Titans – Two different generations are trying hard to bridge a cultural gap. Over-frankness may trigger mutual conflicts, where the son candidly ignores the father’s intellect and wisdom, insisting on being heard and understood.

A girl dares to wear a revealing low-cut dress in front of her conservative father.  On objecting, the father has to face the ire of the over-frank daughter, who labels him socially backward and ignorant.

Every generation redefines the way children interact with their parents. While parents emphasise silence, obedience, and unconditional respect, Gen Z has adopted and follows the principles of openness, candour, and equality.

*Risks and Perils – Someone correctly stated, “Ignorance is bliss”. Why is there a need to share everything with parents and seek their involvement? Why touch that sensitive cord, knowing that the music won’t be pleasant?

There is a proper time and place to discuss and touch on specific issues. Sensitivity is about bringing the topic to the table when the tides are favourable and congenial for everyone. Parents have a heart of gold, and they need to be given tender love and care by their children.

*Cannons of Ego – A single misguided or disrespectful remark can demolish the citadel of mutual love, rubbing ego at the wrong end. Harsh truths are like cannons that misfire on the emotions of parents.

Watch out, Gen Z, as you need to know when to fire and when to sheath your cannons. Over-frankness becomes a bane only when that sensitivity is missing.

Parents, however, also play a role in nurturing the relationships. Their perspective on over-frankness needs to be polished and updated all the time –

*Seek trust and nurture faith – Your child considers you a haven and needs space to flourish in his ideas and notions. You are the backbone and the assured support.

*Shun the habit of being judgmental – Don’t get upset if, for some reason, your son forgets to touch your feet while moving out or refuses to meet your candid demands or if he is too upset to do so. Listen to him at the proper time and understand his folly and logic.

*Set gentle frontiers – While valuing independence, emotional honesty and openness, Gen Z also seeks structure and a sense of purpose. A wise mother tells her daughter, “We would like you to be home before dark because we are concerned about your safety, not because we don’t trust you.”

*Boost your adaptability – As you adapt to the changing seasons and financial upheavals, hone and update your flexibility to Gen Z’s actions and behaviours. They don’t mean to disrespect you; they desire your assurance and love.

*Shun emotional outbursts – Don’t react at the drop of a hat; you should respond with logic and concern.

*Be a guide, don’t mislead – Don’t micromanage the issues. Your children need proper guidance. Your distrust and wrath can lead to disaster. Parenthood comes with two responsibilities – one is to keep kids safe and make them feel safe, the other is to avoid becoming a source of fear and threat to them.

No relationship is free from its shortcomings and misunderstandings. Potential conflicts can arise from over-frankness, but it also instigates understanding and support in maintaining healthy relationships.

“Family comes first, always; but when the family chooses to manipulate and cover things up at my expense, they are not a family anymore. Blood isn’t everything.”

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