‘MID-LIFE CRISES’ — A loss or a gain?

Midlife crises are periods of self-reflection and transition, empowering us to confront our identity and self-confidence. We grapple with the realities of ageing, mortality, and life choices. When embraced, this introspective journey can lead to a deeper understanding of ourselves and our lives, putting us in the driver’s seat of our transformation.

This usually happens between the ages of 40 and 60 and affects both men and women, primarily a psychological state, not a disorder.

Mid-life crises are turning points that can inherently be Losses or Gains. With proper navigation and understanding, it can be a time of transformation or renovation rather than turmoil. This potential for transformation, when embraced, can inspire us to strive for personal growth and change, turning a crisis into an opportunity for a more fulfilling life.

A sixty-year-old man struggles with an emotional state, feels depressed and low in confidence and harbours a nihilistic attitude. The entire world and people seem to freeze over it, unleashing negativity and emotive chaos. The affected peer group feels the person is going through a psychological problem and forces him to land at the psychiatrist’s doorstep.

The most significant loss during a crisis is when the person feels disconnected from past goals or achievements, leading to identity confusion. Life is full of regrets and mental qualms about careers and relationships. The icing on the cake is the profound emotional strain, increased anxiety and dissatisfaction.

An introvert may not feel or suffer the ire of the crisis, but an extrovert who has been socially lively and emotionally agile feels the brunt of the nastiness. He starts avoiding gatherings, shying away from active communication, becoming disinterested in living out his passions, eating scantily, dressing haggardly, and suffering mood changes and angry outbursts. Activities and happenings that used to titillate the person’s psyche become boring and mundane, and he starts finding excuses to avoid such situations, preferring to live as a recluse.

Andropause (Male menopause) is a biological condition caused by a gradual decline in testosterone levels in men. While Andropause and Midlife Crises are distinct phenomena, they can sometimes overlap in timing, as the hormonal changes during andropause may exacerbate the emotional challenges of a midlife crisis. Along with a dip in libido and low energy in andropause, there are also enormous mood changes along with sleep disturbances.

Andropause often requires medical intervention, while a midlife crisis may benefit from apt counselling or self-help strategies.

However, a midlife crisis is not all about negativity and dread. There is also a positive side to it —

 *Caressing the flavours of maturity, accomplishments, and retirement, a person gains the time and inclination to reassess his life, redefine his priorities, and focus only on the things that matter.

*Appreciating the changes and embracing the truth leads to personal development, new hobbies, and significant career and relationship shifts.

*Discovering new passions and nurturing new relationships can instigate joy and fulfilment.

Midlife crises are instigated by –

*Fear of ageing and mortality. The finite nature of life prompts introspection.

*Over-evaluation of unmet goals and regret not being able to achieve them.

*Major transitions in life and situations include children leaving homes and settling elsewhere with their families, stagnation in careers, and challenges in relationships with spouses and friends.

*Aging can cause a flurry of health issues, making the person conscious of his limitations and disabilities.

*Financial issues arising from retirement, unwanted and unwarranted expenditures, and stress from children’s careers and marriages.

Under the burden of such stress, the signs of a midlife crisis become evident. The person feels unfulfilled all the time and desperately needs a change. He focuses more on personal happiness, cursing the lost opportunities, and suffers immense emotional turbulence. There is an urge to change lifestyles and refurbish emotional commitments.

During my youth, I witnessed my father tackling his midlife crisis. Most interestingly, he did not hang his boots after retirement, and disregarding his earlier class-one status, he indulged in odd jobs to keep himself busy. There was a wishful shift from an older alliance to a comparatively younger bunch of boys who rejuvenated his passions and likes. He invested liberally in buying the most colourful and vibrant clothing and footwear that reinstated his youthful years. The young brigade entertained his instincts by escorting him to the latest movies, picnics and birthday bashes. This experience taught me that a midlife crisis can be a time of reinvention and rediscovery rather than despair.

“Sir, I am leading a boring and meaningless life filled with disappointment, despair and incompleteness. I had a brilliant and exciting past, but the present sucks.” I lamented vis-à-vis my psychiatrist friend.

He grinned, ‘Dear, you have been through a midlife crisis.’

It was hard to accept that my relentless mood changes and emotional turmoil resulted in a crisis that I heard but experienced now.

I noticed the psychiatrist wearing a red coat with a multi-coloured printed tie and designer shoes. Looking at my gloomy and dull outfit, I realised the reason for my dreariness and the psychiatrist’s vibrance.

I wasn’t prescribed any medicines but was served a gourmet offering of suggestions to deal with this crisis. These included changing my wardrobe and music from old to recent Pepe numbers, making friends with decade-younger groups, exhuming buried hobbies and passions, starting the process of emotional detachment from relationships and mundane societal commitments, and falling in love again.

A mid-life crisis is, in fact, a mid-life transformation in which one gains speed, enormous power, and tremendous wisdom. It’s a privilege to be there, rejoice, OR sulk, watching the decline.

* It is time for a renewal of the body and mind.

*It is time to start appreciating your worth and prioritising it as the highest commitment.

* It is time to value relationships from a different and positive perspective.

*It is time to create a life without vacations and live independently.

* It is now time actually to discover and decipher sanity.

A sixty-year-old should replace the ‘een’ with ‘ies’ – No sweet sixteen, it is sweet sixties. No more qualms or complaints or remorse or depression – it’s bye-bye to ageing.

 “Women grow radical with age. One day, an army of grey-haired women may quietly take over the world.” GLORIA STEINEM.

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