The Emotional Dynamics of ‘Wanting’ and ‘Needing’ (in Relationships).

‘Do you want me … or do you need me?

‘Needing’ and ‘Wanting’ in a relationship are not just words; they signify distinct emotional states and levels of dependability. Understanding this difference is crucial in navigating the complexities of relationships, and it can make you feel more informed and knowledgeable about your own emotional needs.

“I want to be with you – I need you” …

 NEEDING is a sense of dependability or necessity suggesting that you rely on the person to fulfil specific emotional, physical or psychological needs. It might instigate pressure or expectation as there is a feeling of incompleteness or incapability.

WANTING is a conscious choice that brings joy and a sense of control. It’s about desire and preference, not dependency. It’s about enjoying someone’s company and valuing them, not because you need to, but because you want to. This conscious choice empowers you, making you feel in control and self-reliant in your relationships.

The human mind is a jigsaw puzzle, always confused when there is a question of wanting or expecting something—I want to ride a Ferrari on The Champs-Elysees, make a solo trip to Antarctica, walk in space on Elon Musk’s spaceship, and take Vidya Balan for a date. . . There is no end to what I want. The catch is — DO I NEED IT?

The fact remains that I need far fewer commodities than I want and expect. The more I observe my wants and brief my needs, the more joyful I become. Balancing our wants and needs in relationships is vital. It can lead to contentment and fulfilment, bringing joy to our lives. It’s about finding that sweet spot where our wants are met, but our needs are not overshadowed.

A person may be a social butterfly who wants to be in touch with others and expects admiration from everyone. He feels lonely and confused. He actually needs just one shoulder, one confidante, to wipe his tears, give him a genuine smile, and soothe him with a warm hug.

For instance, ‘wanting’ someone might mean enjoying their company and valuing them for who they are, while ‘needing’ someone might lead to feelings of pressure or imbalance. Understanding this distinction can lead to a more fulfilling emotional experience in relationships. It’s important to realize that you might want to spend time with your partner because you enjoy their company, but you might need them to be happy, creating a dependency that can affect your emotional well-being.

Craving is a shade deeper than desire or wanting. It is an intense and profound longing for something—be it food, sex, fame, a hug, or even a cup of cocoa. It is short-lived and dies a natural death once the need is accomplished. This can lead to agitation, frustration, and disappointment when the job is not done. The person needs to awaken to the fact that everything is momentary, like a passing phase. Craving often blurs the line between wanting and needing, as it can feel like a necessity at the moment but is an intense desire that can be managed and controlled.

Wants and needs are transformed with the greying of hair. As people age, maturity seeps in, and thinking becomes rational and logical. The wants and needs of mundane things keep shrinking. We may find that our desires focus more on our well-being and happiness than material possessions or external validation.

As a kid, I wanted to touch the moon, kiss my charming teacher, eat chocolate every day, play all day long, etc., but I needed my mother’s cosy lap in the evening.  In childhood, we see the struggle for self-esteem as, at its least, disguised. There is no shame or indignity in asking or wanting anything.

Human nature is to expect and want things; nothing is wrong. But sometimes, priorities need to be fixed and emotionally secured. You can’t always get what you want but can get what you need. The exciting thing is that the day you stop looking and expecting your wants, you’ll find what you need. Mind you, disappointment seeps in when one disregards one’s capabilities, intellect

and resources and strives for the world’s best.

Desires are insatiable, and humans are so anxious for pleasure that they never get enough of it. The parameters of happiness keep changing, like shifting horizons, and man runs amok in a hazy future. In the process, the sense organs for which the journey is undertaken become insensitive. An interface is humane if it responds to needs and considers human frailties.

We travel the world for happiness and contentment in worldly things. Again, this is a short-lived effort. Our current needs are fulfilled when we return home.

THREE RULES OF LIFE —

*We need to understand that life is not a process of discovery but of creation.

*We are not discovering ourselves but creating ourselves anew.

*We should seek to determine what we want to be, not to find out who we are.

ABRAHAM MASLOW said – “One’s only rival is one’s potentialities. One’s only failure is failing to live up to one’s possibilities.”

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