PARENTING – AUTHORITATIVE OR PERMISSIVE? A Crucial Decision for Parents.

Parenting is God’s supreme gift. It has prospects to nurture, teach, and watch a child grow. It amalgamates unconditional love, patience, personal growth, mutual learning and supervised guidance into an elixir of a divine relationship. It’s a sacred privilege and a profound responsibility, a commitment that can’t be shared.

The enigma is whether parenting should be Authoritative or Permissive –

*Authoritative parenting sets clear, disciplined margins with logical prospects while being sympathetic and fostering.

*Permissive parenting may be loving and lenient but falls short of discipline, leading to poor self-regulation and the creation of weak social links.

As someone once said – ‘Is producing a baby a difficult thing? – No! Even a PUNK can do that.’ While seemingly humorous, this quote underscores the point that parenting is not just about bringing a child into the world but about the lifelong journey of nurturing, teaching, and guiding them.

Parenting is a unique journey filled with challenges and immense rewards. It demands patience, understanding, and a whole lot of love. The joy of witnessing your child’s growth, first steps, and words fills your heart with pride and a profound sense of fulfilment. These moments make the parenting journey unique and rewarding, inspiring us to continue nurturing our children.

Parents hold significant responsibilities and authority in raising their children, but this should not be mistaken for ownership. Instead, parenting is a form of stewardship, a solemn commitment to ensure children are raised in a supportive and nurturing environment. We must all take this responsibility seriously, as we are entrusted with the care and development of our children, fostering a sense of responsibility and commitment in our parenting journey.

 The saying goes, ‘It takes a village to raise a child.’

In the United States of America, even a toddler can dial 911 and get parents jailed for disregard, abuse, and gross negligence. For instance, Ms Chatterjee had to unturn all the stones to get custody of her kids from the Norwegian government, who, according to their rules, forcefully deposited the kids into foster parents, blaming the innocent mother for negligence. This case is a stark reminder of the severe consequences of neglectful parenting.

I once offered tea to a young boy seeking admission to a professional college. He politely refused, but in a show of authority, his father ordered him to do so. The boy, taken aback by his father’s forceful command, had it with a sense of sadness, highlighting the negative impact of authoritative parenting.

We often encounter parents who treat their children as commodities and force them to follow their whims and stupid demands. I am confused about whether it is imposing discipline or slapping authority. Too often, we forget that discipline means teaching, not punishing.

‘A disciple is a student, not a recipient of behavioural consequences.’

Whether it’s physical or emotional, spanking doesn’t teach a child about safety or security. Instead, it teaches them that the person hitting them, be it a parent or someone else, isn’t a source of safety.

When we try to teach our children about life, they, in turn, teach us what life is truly about. It’s a harsh truth that our children will only listen to us once they feel heard. This underscores the importance of empathy and understanding in our parenting approach, allowing our children to be understood and valued.

Someone rightly said, ‘There are no bad students; there are bad teachers.’ Similarly, there are no bad children; however, the parenting may be bad.

They say that children are like moulds of soft clay to be moulded with love, pampering and discipline. A defective pattern in shaping may jeopardise the child’s personality forever. The truth is that children don’t need moulding; they need unfolding. That’s why parenting is so challenging – people think it’s the easiest thing to have an opinion about, but it is the hardest thing to do. But, if you don’t shape your kids, they will be shaped by outside forces that don’t care what shape the kids are in.

Permissive parenting may have misguided young Turks into crossing the thin line between discipline and pampering. Society’s one-child norm has made parents pamper their lone child with excuses and concessions. In the process, love overflows, but at a nasty price, as pampering spoils the child, pushing him to become stubborn and boisterous.

 Children learn more from what parents are doing than what they teach them.

A pampering mother offers her son different flavours of ice cream, one after the other, and the child keeps discarding it as it doesn’t caress his palate. The otherwise watchful and orderly mother offers only one ice cream and makes her son appreciate it. There is a tussle over discipline and pampering. The way parents deal with and communicate with their children becomes their inner voice, and children start appreciating their parent’s presence more than their pampering and gifts.

Parents also learn and grow with their children. As much as we watch what our offspring do with their lives, they also watch us see what we do with our own. Are we casual or candid, or disciplined and diligently well-organized?

‘Our children will become who we are, so be who you want them to be.’

Authoritative parenting — helps children leave a lasting impact on the people around them through their behaviour and the spread of happiness and health. By imposing clear household guidelines, parents make sure kids know their expectations ahead of time and are clear about the rules. There is no intrusion or restriction, and the discipline is supportive rather than punitive.

Permissive parenting involves a lack of demands and expectations. Children grow up without a strong sense of self-discipline. Due to a lack of boundaries, they may be unruly at school and home and may even be less academically motivated.

Balanced parenting should be the call of the day. Love and care should be infused in the food, but discipline should be instilled, like a vaccine with a regular booster dose.

A sign of great parenting is not the child’s behaviour—the sign of truly great parenting is the parent’s behaviour.

Rather than saying – “Go to sleep because I said no.”

SAY – “Go to sleep to help your body and brain.”

………………………