IS AN OPEN RELATIONSHIP (POLY AMOROUS), A BOON OR A CURSE?

An ‘open relationship’ is often referred to as an ‘polyamorous relationships’ – A relationship in which both partners agree that each may openly have relations with others.

While our society endorses monogamy in marriage, it will lynch people mentally and communally for daring to practice an open marriage.

I view this philosophy from a diverse perspective and comprehend the sanctity of open relationships. It should be considered in a wide-ranging understanding.

People in an open relationship should be justified in exploring varied dynamics in SPIRITUAL, EMOTIONAL and PSYCHOLOGICAL alliances. Such relationships provide a unique opportunity to explore, nourish and support each other in the process.

Why should people or society tarnish the sanctity of an open relationship by considering it as a mere pedestal for promiscuous SEXUAL satisfaction? – or to say ‘An extramarital alliance.’

By clubbing the sense of an open relationship with the Oxford definition of INFIDELITY, we are actually molesting the essence of this beautiful arrangement.

It has to be vividly accepted and understood that nothing is complete. No relationship can ensure filling all the vacant slots in one’s life. Frustration and emotional incompleteness occur when someone is compelled to lead a life with empty spaces.

How much is it justified to die or succumb to the overbearing drought of emotions and passionate commitments when you have only one life to live?

At a recent wedding, I was standing vis-a-vis an exhibition of more than sixty-odd sweets ornate in the form of a mini mountain. Did the host expect me to fill my tummy with this ridiculous treat? No! — We were expected to pick the ones that titillated our palates.

Similarly, how about picking the best from the variety of relationships we make and filling our empty slots?

Life brings forth a basketful conglomeration of relationships. From kindergarten to the cemetery, these relationships happen at a set time in one’s life with specified patterns. No one can change this. It is predestined to happen this way. Think about it – if just one relationship were compelled to quench one’s thirst for intellectual and emotional fulfilment, mankind would have succumbed to the claustrophobia of emotions and sensitivity.

Openness in a relationship (polyamorous relationships )doesn’t mean infidelity, cheating, betrayal or treachery.

Candidness allows the doors and windows to be open to the outdoor breeze, allowing for fragrance and freshness. There is no entrapment, and relations thrive in an unpolluted ambience. If the person is meant to be in your life, the open door will not make him leave.

The firmness of a loving foundation depends on the mortar of trust, faith and logic. There shouldn’t be room for FEAR and INSECURITY in a relationship.  Insecurity nurtures inconsistency in faith and fosters lies and deceit. Life is easy, loving and worth living when there is nothing to hide.

Should platonic emotional, spiritual and intellectual conversations with multiple people be considered illegitimate?

What goes wrong when Mr X and Ms Y spend quality time outside their marital alliance and, maintaining the dignity of their nuptial status, find solace in each other?

Every relationship, be it husband-wife . . .father- mother. . . brother- sister . . .  or friends deserve honesty and transparency. You deserve someone who will still be there for you even when everyone else has walked away — a REAL relationship. And trust me, it is born out of faith and openness to understanding.

“Full disclosure before the fact.”

 ‘It is better to open and discuss everything out in the open while you are looking for love – then if or when the relationship sadly ends.’

In an open relationship, the partners are committed to each other’s growth and their own. There is trustworthiness and deep intimacy based on equal liberty and distinctiveness in both partners, challenging society’s expectations.

Possessiveness comes from a close relationship. There ensues claustrophobia, and the rapport soon goes to a ventilator.

“Why did you go out to dinner with X?”; “Why were you on vacation with Y?”. . . etc. We face this scenario very often among friends. In such situations, honesty nosedives and what it reveals in bitter taste are lies and distrust.

Good parenting demands an open relationship with children.

A teenage daughter must feel safe talking about her crush to her doting parents. A mature son must feel open to having a drink with his father. If the parents are conservative and atrociously conventional, children will feel oppressed and emotionally burdened. They will still go ahead with their picks without revealing them, and there will be fabrications and misleading statements when grilled by curious parents.

“Open relationships between a parent and child cannot be used without the child’s knowledge and consent. It is to be used as an aid, not a substitute for parental supervision.”

The acid test of an open relationship comes when we talk about marriage and an OPEN MARRIAGE.

So, is it a BOON or a CURSE?

No wonder there is a thin line of conduct that divides the norms of permissibility and denial in an open marriage. Something open and okay with YOU may be deceitful and obnoxious to ME. It’s a debatable issue and a matter of controversy, depending on the individual’s perception and acceptability.

But sure enough, in the broader terminology of an open relationship – it’s a BOON, not a CURSE.

If you are looking for a delectable recipe for a steady and long-lasting, and open relationship, then here we go –

In a large pan of TRUST, add a bowl full of CANDIDNESS TO VENTURE . . . a few ounces of INCLINATION TO GROW . . . two spoons of FEELING OF SAFETY, and half a spoon of OPEN COMMUNIQUÉ . . . a dash of TRANSPARENCY, and top it with spices of FREEDOM.

The dish thus prepared will be vended and be accepted as a hot cake.

My favourite quote is – “You want to come in or go out of my life, the door is open. Please don’t stand in the door, you are blocking traffic”.

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