Rating or judging others is a common and integral part of our subconscious human habits. The issue arises when we shift from rating situations and commodities to judging people. We establish our standards and scales, and assign marks and grades based on their actions. Sometimes, we make snap judgments about a person’s trustworthiness, competence, beauty, and intelligence. However, it’s essential to remember that just because it’s a familiar and intuitive gesture, it doesn’t always mean it’s fair or proper.
Understanding others requires more than just a mundane evaluation—it requires empathy. When we judge others based on only a few fragments of their life, we’re seeing a distorted picture. But if we can cultivate compassion, we can begin to see the whole, complex, and beautiful image. Empathy has the power to transform our understanding of others.
By becoming more self-aware of these habits, we can take control and strive for fairer, more accurate assessments. This self-awareness is not a condemnation of our judgmental nature, but is the first step towards a more empathetic and understanding approach. It’s a journey of growth and change.
During a journey, when we ask a co-traveller about their occupation, we instantly try to gauge their intellectual and financial status. In other words, we are judging a person and formulating our ways to deal with them. The truth, however, is that judging a person doesn’t define who they are – It defines who we are and what our insecurities, limitations, and needs are.
The need is to question yourself— ‘Am I rating this person based on who they are or who I am at this moment?’ This self-reflection is not a sign of weakness, but a powerful tool for understanding our own biases and insecurities. Our curiosity and our relationships should take precedence over judgment and rating.
The Colonial Raj made the mistake of wrongly judging Mohandas Karamchand Gandhi by openly lynching him in the streets of South Africa. They underestimated him, and little did they realise that this ordinary man would blow out the winds of the entire Raj, forcing them to quit India. The British Raj faltered by judging and misjudging people and thus failed to build bonds of love with them.
Judging makes us blind, as we bind ourselves to our own evil, whereas love illuminates and visualises humanity and empathy. The mind should practice seeing people as different kinds of trees, accepting their imperfections, and appreciating them for who they are.
Successful people are often judged by their peak excellence. Very few attempt to evaluate the pain they have suffered or the distance they have travelled to reach the pinnacle. We start discriminating, hating, and getting prejudiced against the heroes, out of our snobbishness. We often forget that this reflects on ourselves rather than the person we are judging.
There are Psychological and Socio-Cultural Reasons for Judging People –
*Instinct to survive – In ancient times, people had to decide quickly between a friend and a foe. This led them to develop the instinct to make quick judgments. We inherited this trait from our ancestors.
*The habit of comparison – Human nature is to evaluate oneself on the scale of comparison. This habit of evaluation impacts us socially, emotionally, and professionally.
*Ego nourishment – By rating and devaluing people, we feel good because it massages our pseudo ego.
*Self-admiration – We are in the habit of admiring our success, intellect, wealth, and beauty. This is boosted when we judge our competitors as weak and undeserving.
*The grading system – Right from our kindergarten to the professional college, we have been trained to face the menace of the grading system. Grading instigates prejudice and animosity among friends. In jobs and on social media, this problem assumes particularly nasty dimensions. This hierarchy should be banished.
The fact is that while we judge others, we are also being judged. It’s a nasty feeling, and it leads to depression and guilt. It is not possible to stop people from judging us; however, there are ways to mitigate the effect.
FIVE WAYS —
*Modify perception – Think that this is not about you; it’s about them. It doesn’t matter what they think; what matters is what you think.
*Stay calm and modest – You don’t have to convince them of their folly. Instead of explaining yourself to them, you need to remind yourself of the truth.
*Mutual acceptance – You don’t need to convince others to accept you or the situation. Let them tolerate and stew on their own while you are happy in yours.
*Focus on your energy – Don’t waste yourself correcting or improving their mode of thinking and logic.
*Heal Within – Life is simply revealing the truth in front of you. It is trying to show you ways to heal from within.
Judgements prevent us from seeing the good that lies beyond appearances. When in love, individuals need to rise above the instinct of judging each other on every pretext. Mother Teresa says, “If you judge people, you are left with no time to love them.” Judging others is not our task.
“To love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do.”
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