“I am not upset that you lied to me; I am upset that from now on, I can’t believe you.”
I tried hard to remember when I first told a lie. To the best of my memory, I was in Kindergarten as a three-year-old cute kid, and I lied to my mother about not eating the ice cream that was gifted to me by a ten-year-old girl for kissing on my virgin cheek.
How far does the famous Hindi line go “Bachche Mann Ke Sachche ?”
Children can learn to tell lies from an early age, usually around three years of age. This is when children start to realise that you are not a mind reader, and so they can say things that aren’t true without you ever knowing.
As the study continues, children lie more at 4 to 6.
Why would a child lie?
Most parents think children lie to get what they want, avoid consequences, or get away with something they don’t want to do.
Most of the time, it is the parents’ and peer’s upbringing and behaviour that affects the child’s personality and traits. When the child sees his parents telling blatant lies, he grasps the negative side quickly and readily, thinking it to be the right thing to do. Telling a lie becomes a personality trait, and the children grow into compulsive liars.
The other thing is the fear of losing trust OR fear of being bashed up for a mistake or prank OR the motive of cutting an edge to get out of a tricky situation.
It may sound like a complex preposition but imagine neither scolding nor bashing the child for mundane mistakes but providing a positive shoulder and assurance. In due course, the child will develop confidence and stop telling blatant lies to get out of a situation.
The parents, in turn, should accept the truth with a pinch of salt, even if the teenage kid is open about his first crush or date or even first sexual encounter.
As parents, are we prepared to accept this?
In our Indian scenario, the answer is NO!
This means we are leaving scope for our children to tell lies.
The fact is that when someone lies to you, it’s because they don’t respect you enough, to be honest, and they think you are too stupid to not know the difference.
‘Telling the truth and making someone cry is better than telling a lie and making someone smile.’
Lying allows a person to establish perceived control over a situation by manipulating it. It is a defence mechanism that prevents (seemingly) the person from being vulnerable, that is, to not open up and reveal their true self to another person.
The forces of evolution naturally push us towards self-preservation, especially when we feel threatened.
In today’s world, if someone says that he doesn’t lie: he is the biggest liar, he is lying already.
The fact is that Lying is more mentally and emotionally taxing than telling the truth. If you add even more cognitive complexity, behavioural cues may become more apparent. A liar has to exert far more mental energy to monitor their behaviour and evaluate others’ responses.
When we tell a lie, we constantly see the person’s eyes and expressions and comprehend how well our Lie has been taken.
I have a strange habit: I talk to myself very often. My Psychiatrist friend tells me that this is normal and healthy. The reason I talk to myself is that I am the only one whose answers I accept. I don’t lie to myself because my consciousness doesn’t permit me to do so. But is that so?
In the various shades of lies: WHITE, GREY, BLACK and RED, the most dangerous and lethal is the Lie with multiple shades that we speak to ourselves.
Is it a Lie, or is it Denial?
“Why don’t we accept the overt, apparent happenings going on in front of us?”
“Is keeping a positive attitude in all situations, not a lie?”
“How many times we try to avoid situations like an Ostrich.
Not accepting the harsh truth, we lie to ourselves and try to have a blind eye. We are making ourselves weak and vulnerable.
‘Be true to yourself, to understand and accept the Lies of others.’
On the lighter side … “Never lie to a woman’s question. Sometimes she already knows the answer. That is why she is asking.”
The only people mad at you for speaking the truth are those that are living a Lie.