Culture,Life & Love

TO DESIRE ‘CALMNESS’: CALM YOUR DESIRES. Five ways to rekindle desire in relationships.


‘To desire’ and ‘to be calm’ may be friends when in harmony — but they are daggers-drawn foes if one supersedes the other. A fiery desire takes away the sanctity of calmness. Staying calm, content, and rejoicing all the time in a comfort zone snatches away life’s purpose to prosper, outshine, and dream. There is a thin line between the two, demanding a balance. Both are, however, important for survival.

A feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen is DESIRE. It’s an emotion or notion that has not spared anyone from its domain or clutches.

We can grade these emotions as—




and LUST.

A tiny spark of ‘Want’ can ensue into the warmth of ‘Desire’ that may escalate to the heat of ‘Craving’– leading eventually to the blazing and raging fire of ‘Lust.’ Individual perception and emotional intellect control the journey from Want to Lust. ‘Want’ is encouraging and positive, while ‘Lust’ is disheartening, exceptionally damaging, and nurtures Power, Sexuality and Wealth.

Calmness is viciously compromised when emotions surge from a simple Want to Lust. A Lusty man plans, manipulates and deploys all his mental and sensitive resources to accomplish his evil plans. The execution snatches away peace, inciting a sequence of demonic proportions.

Is it possible to be a perfectionist? Is anyone a perfectionist in this universe? Perfectionism is a state where a person, after scaling the summit, is left with nothing further to go on. So, what happens to him after his desires are fulfilled? Even the most enlightened gurus or yogis can’t claim to be at the pinnacle of their desires. It is a sure sign of IMPERFECTION if there is desire or wanting.

To hold and nurture a desire is both natural and healing. Actually, desire has no limits as it forms the origin of the entire universe. The best talents are churned out through the prospects created by desire because there is a mammoth energy of a WILL to WIN.

‘The art is to become the Master of desires instead of being mastered through them.’ When weighty desires take over the mind, hell breaks loose. World History witnessed the downfall of Rulers and Tyrants who ignited their passions with fire and eventually burst – Alexander, Adolf Hitler, and Napoleon Bonaparte. These are only a few examples. Their thirst could never be quenched. Their desires became GREED, and a greedy man is always left empty-handed.

The evil aspect of desiring is typically not what ‘we want’ but ‘we want too much’. We need to remember these limits. It is essential to understand that a ‘satisfied’ life is better than a ‘successful’ one. The people around us fathom our SUCCESS, while our souls and minds measure our SATISFACTION.

Fulfilment of desires is a pleasant feeling, as opposed to the hostile experience of failing to do so. This provides a sturdy emotional response to conscious desires. A passion nurtured after the inculcation of a robust belief system leads the person to a different level of self-awareness and self-satisfaction. “Desire for something comes after you are assured of its fulfilment.”

Desire’s most relevant and emotional aspect is when a person is in LOVE. But a thin line separates the two – To love is TO HAVE and to desire is TO WANT.

Don’t we feel ‘completeness’ and ‘belonging’ when in love? The wish is fulfilled with a sense of security and a lifelong commitment.

RUMI nicely said, ‘I once had a thousand desires, but everything else melted away in my one desire to love you.

The acid test of desire is when a relationship dwindles. There is a strong belief that this relationship is dead and stinking. The desire to behold, communicate, express and love is lost in oblivion, making the distressed couple a lifeless and meaningless statue, ornate in the curio box, known as MARRIAGE.

There is an uneasy calmness with nothing left to yearn for or look forward to. Desire and stability play a very tricky and nasty game.

How do you rekindle DESIRE in a sinking boat of relationships?


*Shift from ‘Me Time’ to ‘US TIME’ –Alienation fosters distance and a selfish attitude of spending more and more time with oneself. Try to put effort into relocating and discovering the time spent in each other’s magical company.


*Ignite the magical physical feelings – Togetherness isn’t always making love in bed. That magical hug, the divine touch, the tickling whisper in the ear, etc., all play a significant role in igniting the ash.


*Express your presence – Even if physically away, register your existence with small gestures such as calling, sending notes or sharing your day-to-day affairs. While packing the suitcase, a friend’s wife kept small notes like ‘miss you’ and ‘love you’ in the shirt’s folds.


*Look pleasant and attractive – While attending parties and social gatherings, people spruce up the desire to look attractive to people who don’t matter. How about taking care of your body odour, oral stench and shabby attire with your spouse?


*Pamper and communicate – A teeny-weeny gesture of appreciation for small details works wonders. A lady feels elated when someone compliments her . . . Bhabhiji Aap Bahut Achchi Lag Rahi Hain OR Waah Kya Khana Banati Hain Aap. A man gets on the hilltop when ‘Padosi’ Ms Sharma exclaims . . . Waah Kya Gana Gatey Hain Aap.

How about that compliment and a little communication with the person or relationship that is on the ventilator and needs your attention?


Life blossoms when the balance between Desire and Calmness is achieved.

GEORGE BERNARD SHAW – “There are two tragedies in life. One is to lose your heart’s desire. The other is to gain it.”












You may also like...

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.