Culture,Relationships

THE EXISTENCE OF SOME PEOPLE TELLS US – WHAT TO AVOID.

THE EXISTENCE OF SOME PEOPLE TELLS US – WHAT to avoid and WHO to avoid.

I was recently attending a condolence meeting. A guy sitting next to me constantly ogled and gave me weird looks. In the tedious ordeal of sitting for an hour, that guy farted at least half a dozen times, making the entire ambience obnoxious. Don’t we want to throw such people off the premises? Don’t we desperately want to avoid them?

In life, people who are related to us or who are known to us sometimes need a cold shoulder. The existence of such people in our domain is deeply detested, and we want to avoid them.

Mind you, avoiding certain people for your mental and emotional health is certainly not a weakness; IT’S WISDOM.

There is a thin line between AVOIDING and IGNORING.

Avoiding — when you avert yourself from meeting somebody.

Ignoring – when the person is there, but you are not paying attention.

The biggest challenge in avoiding and ignoring comes when dealing with relationships, friendships and Love.

To encounter the sourness of avoiding or being avoided – similarly ignoring or being ignored, creates mayhem in life and requires caution and assurance in dealings.

“To avoid and ignore someone may be easy – but to be avoided and ignored by someone is painful and emotionally hard-hitting.” It is better to be loved than hated – and so it is better to be hated than ignored.

How do you feel when the person you love starts avoiding you? But, friends, the pain is even more excruciating and heart-wrenching when you have to avoid the person you love. At some stage, the existence of Love might briefly become agonizing and force one to avoid the person. You can avoid reality, but can you avoid the penalties of evading reality?

At times we invite toxicity by becoming friendly with unworthy people. Is it the fear of impending loneliness that compels us to make bad choices? People join clubs and kitties hoping to revitalize their emotions and quench societal thirst. They are, however, exposed to weirdness like a viral infection and don’t know what ailment they are bringing home. Such people become a menace in the later stages, and then we urge to avoid them. “You shouldn’t drink poison just because you are thirsty.” With age comes maturity and the essence of comprehending the gravity and sanctity of relationships.

As a kid, I used to consider everyone my best friend.  Youthful times nurtured the sense of making better choices and building a steep pyramid of alliances. Reaching seniority, I realized that the options narrowed down to just two or one, or ironically none at all.

“The best option is to make friends with yourself, your soul — a true friend. You can’t avoid yourself.” It’s you who has the power and inclination to boost and uplift your moods on rainy days. A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down. Your soul intervenes with a gut feeling.

How to rely on people who are like pennies—two-faced and worthless?

Pay attention because there will be situations and instances when fake people around you will be exposed. Make your choices wisely, people may motivate or drain you. They are a selfish breed and will ignore you blatantly until they wag their hidden tails because of their egotistical needs.

I don’t preach that everybody is wrong. Some are inherently nice, but what to do? Somehow, they are not pleasant for us. Depending on the power of our mental logic and needs, we have to make stern pronouncements and let go of such people. Trust me; it is not an act of cruelty or perceived malice, but it is called SELF-CARE and SELF-RESPECT.

“An insincere and evil friend is more to be feared than a wild beast. A wild beast may wound your body, but an evil friend will wound your mind.” BUDDHA.

 

Who to avoid? – Who to ignore?

*One who messes up and screws your thought process and rubs you the wrong way. Drains you by playing a blame game, making you feel guilty for what you did.

*One who repetitively and intentionally disappoints you and belittles your notions in front of others. Challenges your every diction and statement.

*One who has set priorities for you as an option but wants first priority in your life and routine.

*One who is Mr Perfect and never commits any mistakes or blunders, hence, NOT SORRY. Can’t and won’t sincerely apologize.

*One who is a gossiper and can take off your clothes in public to exemplify the world of whatever you have.

 

The irony is that people are smart enough to notice the change in your attitude towards them. They will, however, never comprehend that it is their brashness and behaviour that caused you to change your perspective. “If I decide to give up on you—you need to understand that it took everything that was left inside of me to leave you alone.”

The biggest thing is self-respect. Never run back to the person who broke you to smithereens and made you suffer. No matter how you handle the situation, just avoid it. Don’t overthink the loss or the problem. Overthinking is an addiction, so, avoid it too.

Make this a principle of your life – ‘Take one step towards me, and I’ll take a hundred towards you – you walk an inch away, and I retreat for thousands of miles.’

“I am honestly not mad at anyone for anything they ever did to me. You showed me you — I needed that.”

 

The best lines . . .

ONCE YOU FEEL AVOIDED BY SOMEONE, NEVER DISTURB THEM AGAIN!

……………………………………………….

 

 

 

 

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8 Comments

  1. Kumkum mehrotra says:

    Very useful inputs

    1. Dr. Anuj says:

      Thanks a lot Kumkum jee.

  2. Dr Ashok Kumar Ojha says:

    The Blog on the topic “existence of some people who tells us what to avoid and who to avoid” in itself is self explanatory….As you have mentioned that at times we get irritated on meeting someone who we try to avoid..In common language,he is referred to as chipku..If we see him approaching us, we try to take another path.. Similarly, we try to avoid taking call of such persons on seeing their number..May be we don’t like their nature or mannerism.
    Now the other side of the coin is very important and interesting..As we ignore someone, we may be ignored by someone and that hurts..Our mind keep on churning round the clock for the reasons that why the said person has ignored us.To be very honest, if someone loves you, definitely he will not avoid. But if someone doesn’t likes you or is not impressed by your persona, then he may get irritated and may subsequently avoid you… To overcome such situations, we have to be sincere and cordial in our nature and mannerisms.Such behaviour and attitude will go a long way in maintaining relationships..A stage may come soon,when people may not avoid.. Beautiful Anuj..

    1. Dr. Anuj says:

      Perfectly said Ashok Bhai. We are surrounded by all breeds of CHIPKOOS. But who knows that some people consider us also a Chipkoo. I think it’s an individual perception. Something right and logical for me maybe absurd to you and vice versa. Well, this is life and we have to deal with so many people including ourselves. Right?
      thanks a lot, bro.
      regards

  3. DR ASHA KUMAR RASTOGI says:

    QUITE INFORMATIVE AND USEFUL WRITE UP INDEED..

    1. Dr. Anuj says:

      Thanks a lot dear.

  4. Hi doctor
    I have read out stories from Panchatantra to my children . It teaches lessons of life by unforgettable stories.
    Now you say ……At times we invite toxicity by becoming friendly with unworthy people .
    I quote Panchatantra which sorts this out so well…It is a conversation between a rat and crow, the crow wants to befriend the rat.
    “You know the saying that you should not make friends with him whose power and pedigree are not known to you.” Says the rat
    “We haven’t even seen each other. How can there be enmity between both of us?” Laghupatanaka(crow) replies
    Hiranyaka(rat) then explained, “Enmity is of two kinds. The first is natural and the second is artificial. The second kind disappears when what caused it disappears. But natural enmity ends only with the death of one of the two enemies.”
    “Can you make it clearer?” asked Laghupatanaka.
    “Yes, artificial enmity is always based on some reason. Natural enmity is like the one between a snake and a mongoose, water and fire, Angels (Devatas) and Demons (Rakshasas), dogs and cats, the rich and the poor, the learned and the illiterate, between women of virtue and vice.”
    “Friendship with bad men is like a pot of clay easy to break but difficult to rejoin. With good men it is like pot of gold, difficult to break but easy to mend. I pledge that you will have no reason to fear danger from me,” said the crow”
    You say “Mind you, avoiding certain people for your mental and emotional health is certainly not a weakness; IT’S WISDOM.”
    I can relate it to Bhagwad Gita. Shri Krishna says that prakriti has three qualities(gun) sat, raj and tam. Every being on this earth has these gun some are dominant and some dormant. The status of these gun will keep changing in them. Because they are attached to this world.The world keeps changing. People keep changing because they get overwhelmed by greed,selfishness, ego.
    The wise one who believes in the diety within him, will always detach self from this world. His basic nature is permanence will never be able to attach with impermanence. He has one principle in life…tera tujh ko arpan kya lage mera( Atma aur Parmatma sanatan hai, so atma resides with Him). So naturally the wise ones will avoid certain people for their mental and emotional health.
    “To encounter the sourness of avoiding or being avoided – similarly ignoring or being ignored, creates mayhem in life and requires caution and assurance in dealings.” It could be a blessing in disguise , for all we know. Why get disturbed .It has got too long isnt it
    Regards

    1. Dr. Anuj says:

      hello RG
      I am spellbound by your knowledge and your patience to pen down the subject in such beautiful and meaningful detail. Thank you so much, friend. I need to sit with you and listen to your Gyan on Geeta. You quote examples with great fluency and logic. I appreciate your thoughts and beliefs.
      Your feedback adds meaning to my blogs. It is encouraging to read the comments coming from people like you.
      I work hard on choosing the topic to write on and research all the inputs from people. It takes me to a different high.
      thanks again… regards

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