PUBLIC DISPLAY OF AFFECTION (PDA) — do we need this?

Personal comfort and cultural norms deeply influence public displays of affection (PDA). These small gestures in public can reinforce a sense of belonging and partnership. Some openly celebrate their relationship, serving as a public declaration of commitment that makes their partner feel valued.

Excessive PDA can sometimes seem performative, especially if it feels forced or designed to attract public attention. People who avoid PDA interpret public affection as unnecessary, even if it is genuinely felt.

The balance of a PDA depends on what feels natural for both partners and what’s respectful in the social setting. A good middle ground focuses on meaningful affection rather than a show-off, fostering understanding and tolerance across all PDA levels.

Love is profoundly personal and primarily felt within. It vibrates between people and doesn’t require external validation or acknowledgement. The notion of ‘showing off’ often arises from how society sometimes conflates genuine emotions with performative acts. This personal nature of love invites us to reflect on our feelings and actions, fostering a sense of introspection and contemplation about the world around us.

In the youthful days, sporting skin-tight black Levis jeans and a fawn leather jacket, riding a motorbike with the cutest college girls, and tightly held at the waist were strong public displays. There was no love, just a show-off to make others jealous, complex, like a feather in the cap.

In touristy places like hill stations, hundreds of honeymooners display their new-found love by holding each other’s hand or by not shying away and displaying carnal gesticulations in public. These gestures are primarily done with clicks and later floated on social media platforms.

Society has married couples with daggers drawn on their heads, indulging in public displays of affection, exhibiting a fascinating dynamic-rooted contrast. At home, there are frequent arguments over small matters or unresolved issues. Their private space becomes an arena where differences are openly expressed. In public, they project a united front, often engaging in affectionate gestures to maintain appearances or reinforce their bond in front of others. They prioritise how others perceive their relationships, valuing the image of a perfect couple over internal conflicts. The PDA becomes a tool to reconnect or mask the tensions created at home. Facebook, Instagram, WhatsApp, etc., have provided an excellent platform for publicly display-hungry couples to fantasise about farce love. These platforms have significantly influenced our expressions and perceptions of affection, blurring the line between genuine emotion and performative acts. They have also created pressure to constantly display affection, leading to a culture of ‘relationship goals’ and unrealistic expectations.

“Public display of affection is not an indication of a happy relationship. True love has nothing to prove.” BUKY OJELABI

There is nothing more sensual than a man loving his woman openly and affirmatively. True love is expressed through the silence of our lips, the depth of our eyes, and the radiance of our touch. It’s essential to question whether the need for public displays of affection stems from a genuine desire to express love or from a need for external validation and approval.

Who sets the guidelines for public display? For example, holding hands in public, hugging at the main crossing, or kissing at street corners is acceptable in some cultures; in others, it may be considered inappropriate. This diversity reminds us to be open-minded and respectful of cultural differences, fostering a sense of tolerance and respect.

HOW MUCH IS TOO MUCH?

In 2007, at an AIDS awareness event in New Delhi, Richard Gere publicly kissed Bollywood Diva Shilpa Shetty. The act was considered a case of Public Sexual Provocation — a legal term for public displays of affection deemed inappropriate or offensive, crossing the line into sexual behaviour. An Indian court issued an arrest warrant in response to this incident, highlighting the legal implications of public displays of affection.

In 2009, a British couple were caught kissing publicly in Dubai. They were deported following a three-month jail sentence.

Several cases of public sexual provocation have been suitably punished in the past. These punishments remind us that while affection is natural and healthy, there are limits to its acceptability and legitimacy in public life.

Displaying a loving relationship with the world is not always a sign of INSECURITY. It’s a natural desire to share happiness with people. When the partners enjoy public display, it doesn’t essentially mean they are in lust. Genuine affection is love’s natural expression and shouldn’t be confused with negative emotions. It brings reassurance and validation to one’s relationships.

“I prefer my soulmate to whisper in my ears, in the calmness of my precipice, how much she loves me”. Love is a unique gift to be shared alone, not in the presence of camera lights or the street outside.

We are born with an enormous need for affection and a terrible need to give it –AUDREY HEPBURN referred to the love she wanted as a personal gift, not a public display.

I often wonder about our parents and how they displayed love in the absence of a social platform. Didn’t they love each other? Or has the present generation evolved so much that Adam and Eve’s soul now resides in them?

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