shift of emotions
Culture,Life & Love

 EMOTIONAL MATURITY …. When and how do we achieve that Maturity?



“Emotional Maturity occurs when we can express our true feelings without the need for reciprocation, validation, appreciation, or trepidation. Our feelings become companions and not enemies”. L A Askew.


Emotional Maturity is a personal feeling or perception: no one can tell or comprehend the other person’s Maturity or level of understanding.

It is a mental status that has been achieved without the age bar. A fifty-year-old man may behave most childishly, while a sixteen-year-old lad may exhibit a different level of Emotional Maturity.


In relationships, Maturity is revealed when,

*There is depth in presentation and communication.

*The person listens more and talks less about himself.

*The person is neither offensive nor defensive; accepts criticism with pride.

* No issues were raised about the commitment.

*Mistakes are accepted with poise and gratitude.

*Loneliness is accepted as solitude, not a curse.


We all go through mood swings and doldrums every once in a while. Maturity is the ability to regulate the swings and keep anguish from swamping our ability to think and work; constant motivation and persistence in the face of frustration.

Who doesn’t love the pleasures and joys in life, but aren’t long term values more essential and imperative? What if the immediate joys are postponed for some time?

The presence of emotions shouldn’t be confused with immaturity. Emotions are an essential part of the human psyche. However, staging an Emotional Drama over trivial and mundane matters should indeed be considered with the utmost naivete. The agility of accepting genuine emotions and their role in our lives is a vital sign of Awakening, the penultimate form of Maturity.

A patient’s attendant walked into my clinic and started talking harshly about his patient’s problems, thinking that I did not take proper care. I was sure about my management and understood the man’s overreaction. My Emotional Maturity demanded kindness and sympathy; I treated the person not with aggression or an unnecessary explanation but by making him realise his mistake.

Maturity is learning to walk away from people and situations that threaten your peace of mind, self-respect, values, morals, and self-worth.

“Maturity is when you live your life by your commitments, not by your feelings.” RICK WARREN.

We often see people in social gatherings fighting and arguing over matters they think are best acknowledged by their intellect. These baseless opinions at times lead to the breaking and withering of alliances. Immature people always want to win an argument, even at the cost of a relationship – Mature people understand that it’s always better to lose an argument and win a rapport.

It is not always in our hands to control a situation and its outcome, but we can maintain our attitude and ways to deal with it – “Thank you for misunderstanding me, rejecting me and not seeing me.” However, you taught me to see and understand myself in a much better way.


“We don’t mature through age; we mature in awareness.BRYON KATIE.

Emotional Maturity comes on its own, with bitter experiences and everyday involvements. But it can also be inculcated by practising at some point in life.


I have been trying to do so and share what I feel,

I am trying to avoid emotional reactions to different opinions and views.

I don’t feel guilty for saying NO to something that trespasses upon my set boundaries.

I try to accept other people’s perceptions without trying to alter or change them.

I try not to be vulnerable to hurt or disappointment.

I have perfected the art of sitting undistracted in my space, in silence.

I take full accountability for my behaviour and do not seek to blame anyone.

I try to find humour and light-headedness often in small things, rather than waiting for something big to happen.



In Love Relationships, we often feel that the person can read our minds, but that is not always true. A mature person reaches out and talks about how he feels and tries to explain himself. Life shows its colours to everyone and bestows problems and various uncalled-for issues unannounced.  For many people, the mental and emotional levels do not work in unison the entire time. You can’t expect someone to be magically in tune with your every need and emotion.

Aakash, a happy-go-lucky person, had been having problems with his gall bladder. On suspicion of malignancy, Aakash underwent a series of investigations. He had a lot of apprehension over the outcome of the tests and biopsies.

The day the reports confirmed Cancer, Aakash took a different stance altogether. Instead of crying and making commotion for a shoulder, he became spiritual and looked at the problem from a positive perspective. He has learned to live life each day as it comes, without worrying about an uncertain future. He has developed tremendous mental security by accepting the harsh truths of life and destiny. He has matured both mentally, Emotionally and in Awareness.


We all dream, and we dream of a better life. At times we feel miserable for not leading lives the way we envisioned them. The suffering, however, is not facing the realities of real life, but precisely those mundane images that haunt us for not being able to reach them.

Maturity is to fulfil life by making the dreams of perfection disappear entirely from our minds and hearts. It is the ability to stick to thought and struggle through it until it is finished — to endure unpleasantness, discomfort and frustration.

It’s very arduous to sleep when the heart is at war with the mind. Before hitting the bed, a truce must be achieved at all costs. A mature mind will pardon the heart.

The most mature and soul-stirring love quote I have found is — “If my absence doesn’t affect your life, then my presence is meaningless.”

According to Dr Joseph Murphy {The Power of your Subconscious Mind},

“Emotional Maturity is when what the other person says or does will not annoy or irritate you except when you permit him to disturb you. The only way he can bother you is through your own thought. Identify yourself with your aim in life, and do not permit any person, place, or thing to deflect you from your inner sense of peace, tranquillity, and radiant health.”









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