I was on my way to Coffee Cafe Day to meet a childhood friend after almost forty-five years. We had a telephone conversation wishing each other birthdays. He was my best buddy as we shared some of the finest moments of our childhood and teens. We went to different cities to pursue our careers. Things changed after that.
As usual, I was early to the CCD. The wait was anxious and intriguing.
Then suddenly he walked in. I guessed that it was him. Gosh, how things change. Not that I was young and handsome, but he was absolutely dilapidated. After the usual social gestures and visual exchanges,
we tried delving into our past. However, the journey was too short as he remembered little. I had to force him to respond, to my childhood revelations. (My memory is sharp).
Soon we shifted to politics, the international nuke crisis and the latest on Cricket.
Where has that flavour gone? Varied with time and age!
I guess, if the memory is sharp the emotion may still survive. But the intellect and maturity eventually take over. The best alliance is, two people, growing together in their intellect from childhood to old age. But, this doesn’t always happen.
Look back on your life, divide it into slots of ten years, and see how things have changed. The faces, commitments, priorities and individual perceptions all changed.
When I was a bachelor, I had a set of hardcore friends. We shared anything and everything. With time, we got married and our wives took over. Some of the friends were sacrificed because the ladies didn’t gel with each other. We looked for other couples for solace on the compromised pedestal.
Then we had children. Our couple’s friend status again suffered a big jolt because our kids became the worst of enemies.
Most of our social circle dwindled with the kid’s preferences.
Now when the kids are gone and we are alone, we look back and try to make up for the lost relationships.
But it’s too late.
That fervour is gone and the emotional alliance has suffered. The formalities have seeped in. We meet like strangers and fail to continue the conversation for more than five minutes.
Most of the time the so-called past friendships are archived.
They are remembered, like the flipping pages of old photo albums.
“The lost moments, never come back.”
The human personality demands change.
In a relationship, there is a flow of energy. The atmosphere stays charged until the flow of energy is regular and on both sides. After a few years, the flow becomes stable, then starts the boredom and denial. The relationship becomes a burden. People try to sneak out on the pretext of self-proclaimed unfaithfulness and deceit.
A psychoanalyst said: ‘The life of a relationship is a mere seven years. There is a downward trend after that period. The compromise and weariness seep in.
People may not agree, but in the best of love marriages also, the castles of love and promise crumble over time.
The thought remains — with greying and maturity one should keep changing the atmosphere of the living room. Try to switch from Glass of milk to Green tea, Black Coffee and then to Single Malt. Look for friends who gel with you, and are mutually enjoying the change.
However, there are few relations that stick to the psyche in any meaningful way. They lend love and faith religiously, regardless of age or situation. They are based on emotional commitments and promise to stay with you forever. They are selfless and hold an important pedestal in life.
Someone very rightly quoted..” Hold that hand and don’t let it go…that faithful affair may, or may not happen again…”